i’m glad i found your status “engaged” on fb

4 May

i’m glad i found your status on facebook changed to “engaged” on my live news feed.


Both of you with mundane first names, at first i thought: That couldn’t be my Dave, or Mike, or Slim or what ever the fuck your name, a four-letter word seared on my reputation and my pride.


But look! This social media tool is so efficient. I can just click on your dumb-ass name or hers, it hardly matters because you both display the same corny ass avatar of a couple smiling and happy and ready to get married forchristsakes.


You got rid of your dreads and you’re wearing a handsome and seasonal sweater. You are holding a boring woman. You are embarking on commitments we swore against on the rusty listening shores of Belle Isle. There is an appalling fake nature scene in the background of the pic.


Ultimately it’s for the best i found this out in public and on the internet where people are watching and you are beyond reach of physical or verbal violence.


i could click “comment” to contribute a string of incontrovertible slurs or salacious stories of your infidelity. i could ruin you with one message sent to your fiancee who is also on my list of “friends”. i could initiate a personal electronic intifada with one ominous statement, “You know i know what he likes, don’t you?”


Instead i navigated deactivation. Put my account on freeze. Euthanized the vapid curiosity that, at its peak, had me surfing your profile near constant until our next meeting.


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